Hope is NOT a Strategy…Action is!

--Hoping a friend with a catastrophic illness will get better.--Hoping a diagnosis is wrong.

--Hoping it's (whatever “it” is) all just a bad dream.

--Hoping insurance will cover all of the medical expenses.

--Hoping the dead possum hanging on the chain-link fence in the backyard will just disappear.

--Hoping I'm not a burden to my friends or children when I can no longer care for myself.

--Hoping I can eat whatever I want and not worry about the fat cells growing on my ass which will produce estrogen, which I hope don't fuel up any rogue cancer cells.

--Hoping I can learn to manage my stress and remember that all was well in the universe.

I know all of these. Hoping – not to be confused with hope – is a passive activity.  Hoping allows me to sit on the sidelines and take no responsibility for any given situation.  Hope is the womb I can crawl back into, where someone (anyone!) else takes care of me - feeds, protects, bathes, thinks, and even breathes for me.   The place where no one and nothing can touch me, or hurt me. 

As a youngster, my dad often challenged me during difficult times, asking if I wanted to crawl back under the covers and let the world go. And there were times when I said "yes…MoFo..YES!   And just so you know, no one can make me come out."

• When I learned that my dad had been shot and would never challenge me again.
• When I learned that I would never be able to bear children and that I would need to make other plans for my golden years.
• When my best friend was dying of ALS and I finally “got” that the promise of rocking chairs and matching bedside glasses with our teeth would go unfulfilled.
• When I learned that the medical insurance I had recently acquired was woefully inadequate to cover a mastectomy and reconstructive surgery.

These are significant points in my life where I really did take to my bed, pulled the covers over my head and told the universe to F-off… I wasn't going to play anymore. Funny thing...it's dark and not terribly interesting after a while!  

Hope is not a strategy action as! 

I believe the body is inextricably linked to Spirit and the Universe, and, free will notwithstanding, the Universe often has bigger plans for us. So, tears wash the heart as well as the eyes. Sleep refreshes the brain and gives cells a chance to regenerate – build up an army of strength. The darkness protects and is ultimately humbled by the grace of light, because even the tiniest sliver of a moon still provides the promise of light.  A favorite passage of mine comes from an interpretation of the book of Job from the Old Testament.  "As daylight dispelled the gloom..."  Another passage continues "He awakened to his real condition..." And here is where I'd like to continue with action.

Once the body and the brain are exhausted from crying and sleeping, there is an opportunity to take stock and start taking the baby steps necessary to move forward. It's often painful or numb.  But part of grieving, I believe, is feeling the pain and taking steps forward anyway. Maybe because I'm a doer!

Hoping the situation will get better has never worked for me. Concrete action on my part has set things in motion, and once started, I was able to course correct as I felt able. But nothing happened when I stood still. Make no mistake, I fully appreciate the opportunity to give my body and spirit rest - time to take stock.  But once I'd worked through that part, I just needed to start moving, and life started to unfold. So steps like…

• Writing a journal
• Taking care of myself (Mani/pedi, sleep, haircut, time with friends)
• Dragging myself to the gym for some time out and strength training
• Finding out about and setting up a CaringBridge® site so that I could keep friends and family informed, without exhausting myself by repeating basic information
• Writing an obituary
• Discovering and signing up for financial aid (gasp…asking for charity?!)  to help defray medical costs.
• Raising my voice in DC to help representatives understand the urgency to fund research and patient programs.
• Loosening my death grip on control by allowing friends and neighbors into my heart and my private life.  Friends can easily take over some routine tasks allow for self-care or rest. Neighbors can build a ramp and strangers can deliver and build a fountain. Family can shop for groceries and provide much-needed distraction.

Our action steps belong to us alone. What worked for me may or may not work for you; and what you choose to move forward may or may not work for anyone else. It truly doesn't matter! The point is to stake your claim to a toehold on sanity, and take the steps you need to take to work your way back to joy.

It's so easy in life to get caught up in what can't be done... and there's plenty!  Our job is to remember that we each have a choice; to be defined by the current circumstances and do nothing, or choose to start, to find something, anything to do and begin the process of reclaiming life, spirit…a wonderful joie de vivre!

How about you? What action will you take today to move forward?